Even before I started realizing it, I think I was meant to do great things. I've had so much support, especially in forming my younger years, that I often never doubted myself. I was instilled with a sense of freedom and confidence that I could do anything.
I guess as soon as I started realizing this fortune, it started to dwindle away. As years go by I see my confidence fading, my opportunities harder to reach, and I wonder if I am strong enough to overcome the obstacles.
Now that I see obstacles in my path will I overcome them, or was I never really strong enough? Was I only able to achieve the things I've done because of the ease of it, the challenge without adversity.
I wonder if I grew up in a different family, if I would even be half of what I am today. I wonder if I would live to see a full life. I wonder right now what will come of me. Because I tasted what success is like, and if I can't continue with it I fear I won't want to continue it at all.
I hate where I am at sometimes. Utterly hate seeing things I do and think and encounter throughout these past few years. It's disheartening and disgusting seeing a body wasted, a life wasted, a life not lived. I'm disgusted seeing myself torn down by others and probably moreso myself.
And then that thought makes it start all over again...